Alfred's Memories
by MaiMao
Summary: Alfred F. Jones couldn't be the hero. He couldn't save the Nations from dying over and over again, in that cursed time Pattern. He couldn't be Feliciano's hero. Feliciano risked his life, and sacrificed himself to save the nations. He broke the curse...broke the pattern. Alfred can't hold back any more tears...What has he done? -ONESHOT-


**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia, HetaOni, or any of their characters.**

Alfred was huddled into the corner of the custodial closet, thinking a few things...well, everything..over. He thought all of it was his fault. Everything..Even though it had been a year since they finally left the mansion, He couldn't seem to get over any of it. So, He removed a small journal from his Jacket pocket along with a pen, His fingers felt the embroidered cursive lettering on the cover, which said "Alfred's Thoughts". He took a quick glance around, even though he knew that he was alone in the small closet, before opening it and striking the pen to the decorative pages.

_" I...I'm supposed to be the Hero...but...I didn't save anyone...It's all my fault. That...That thing, I don't know what it was but...Every night I go to sleep..I see it. It never goes away. It's ALWAYS THERE! I...Feel like I'm loosing my mind.. Like..like I've become some type of monster inside, holding in all of these feelings, keeping them quiet..Living with the guilt.. Feliciano didn't want to go to the damn mansion at first..But it was my fault...I kept getting him pumped, motivating him..encouraging him to go. And look where it's gotten us... Feliciano..he's..dead. "_

Alfred squeezed the pen in his hand so tight that it nearly burst. He heard the crack of it's plastic and slowly loosened his grip. He tried his best to hold back the tears, but they just wouldn't _stay_ back. Images flickered through his mind like a film on a projector, all so quickly, and painfully. He remembered Ludwig, Hunched over a dying Feliciano, both of them shedding tears. Feliciano's voice rang in Alfred's ears. _"Could-a you just...Please get Ludwig..for me? I-I know what's-a gonna happen to me..but..I just want to talk to my friend before it does..."_ Alfred threw his hands over his ears, as if he could block out Feliciano's worried voice. But instead, he remembered his last words...Feliciano's last goodbye...

_"Ve...don't cry, Luddy..." Feliciano said as he touched Ludwig's face, before looking at his brother, Lovino. "I'm-a always gonna be here... You know that, right? Lovi...Come on, don't-a be sad~! I'll...be...okay...you just...wait.." And with that, his eyes fluttered closed. The other nations were holding back Ludwig and Lovino, who were trying desperately to return to Feliciano's side. All that could be heard at that moment was hysterical sobbing and screaming, and Lovino cursing himself for not protecting his bambino brother. Matthew, who'd been standing in the background, pulled a beautiful rose from a flower vase, the only lively thing in the mansion, and walked over to the chilling sight of Feliciano. He gracefully placed the rose on Feliciano's chest, folding his hands neatly over it. After standing beside him for a while, Matthew hid his face, hid the tears, hid the look of sorrow, and ran into his brother's arms, bursting into tears. Alfred held his brother, not even shedding one tear, but holding gallons of them back._

Alfred wiped the tears from his face and looked up at the ceiling of the custodial closet. "Feliciano... I..I'm sorry I couldn't be your hero..." He said, picking his pen back up and slamming it onto the paper forcefully, continuing to write.

_I finally got to know what death felt like. I was killed, countless times. It was a pattern..Feliciano was the only one who could save us. I'm still not sure why but...it was all based on time. Time... I can remember each time Feliciano screamed when someone died. But soon, somehow, it would all start over, and they'd be back, only to be killed by that monstrous being again. Iggy...He even went blind...because of me..  
Life's a beauty.  
Death's the beast.  
Sometimes I wonder if Feliciano is watching us right now, smiling, because we made it out okay...He risked his life for us, y'know? I mean..After he died...After he couldn't run away anymore...It all seemed to just...end. Just like that..We were free from that mansion..that time pattern...our fate.  
He's the real hero, not me. I feel bad, because we all used to underestimate Feliciano. He was so brave...for all of us. Not even the toughest Nations like Russia..or Germany..or even Switzerland..Could kill the beast.  
I haven't written in this stupid journal ever since then. And ever since then, I re-live my death every night when I go to sleep. I see myself dying again, over and over. I see Matthew, Francis, Iggy, Ludwig, Lovino, Kiku, Yao...all of them...dying again...over..and over...and over..  
I figure if I just write this out...I'd feel better..._

Alfred let a tear fall onto the page, right onto Feliciano's name. He forced himself to remember how Beautiful and Peaceful Feliciano looked with the rose between his fingers, His hair sprawled out on the pillow he'd had his head laid on. His friend. Alfred smiled a little, knowing that Feliciano was up there with the big guy, looking down on everyone. Feliciano..The pasta lover, the people lover, the kind friend everyone's come to know and love.

_"...And I do feel better. I know he's in a much better place, and I know we're all safe from that evil Mansion. I'll never make that mistake ever again. I swear on my own life, that I'll keep my friends safe from harm, and do whatever it takes to be the Hero._

_...Just like Feliciano. "_

After writing the last sentence, Alfred closed the book and sighed, rubbing his puffy eyes. He leaned his head against the wall, hugging his knees to his chest. His eyes darted towards the closet door as he heard a loud knock.

"...E-Excuse me, are you in there Alfred?" A voice said shakily, and softly.

"Yeah dude, you can open the door." Alfred said, making sure there were no more tears rolling down his cheeks.

The door opened, and Matthew looked down at his brother.

"E-Everyone thought I was you at the meeting, eh...except Francis...And when I said that I wasn't you, a-and that you were absent..they sort of freaked and sent me to find-" His voice trailed off as he noticed how red Alfred's eyes were. "W-where you crying Alfred..? Why, eh..?"

Alfred stood and walked out of the small space, closing the door behind him and standing face to face with his brother. "Matthew, can you promise me something.." He said, looking at his shoes.

Matthew eyed his brother suspiciously. "What is it?"

"When...When I say I'm the Hero...please..don't say I'm not, like the other nations."

"Okay fine.."

"You have to say you promise."

"I promise, eh."

"I want you to know, that no matter what, I'll be you and the other nations' hero whenever you need rescuing.."

"...O..kay.." Matthew didn't quite understand what Alfred was talking about, but went along with it anyway.

Alfred pulled his brother into a tight hug, forcing back any more emotional tears that would damage is manly hero rep. "I love you, bro." He said, ruffling Matthew's golden hair. Matthew's eyes widened at the sudden outpour of feelings. He and his brother had never had one of these I-love-you-man moments before.

"I-I love you too, bro." Matthew said, awkwardly patting his brother on the back. "Al, what is this about, exactly..?" He questioned.

"Nothing.." Alfred replied, letting him go and resting his hands on his brother's shoulders firmly. "I just can't lose any more of you.." A tear streamed down his face.

"What do you-" Matthew paused, and even dropped Kumajiro. He knew exactly what Alfred was talking about, and he was now in shock, remembering those horrible times.

"I can't...lose...any more..." Alfred repeated, wiping the tears that had formed in Matthew's eyes.

* * *

**A/N **

**SO? Did you like it? This was my little oneshot, I wasn't feeling that creative on making another chapter for my other story so...Yeah.  
and HetaOni was stuck in my head for the past three days!  
(By the way, had the Flu :D)  
Here's a tip, go on youtube and search "Safe and sound HetaOni" and watch the FIRST video in the results. It'll make you cry on the first note, that's how I got this Idea.  
Anyway, please Review ;A; I'd really appreciate dat, Like very much.  
If you want another short story about HetaOni, just leave me your ideas in the Reviews^^  
Thanks for reading~!  
-Maiyu**


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